Leap of Faith
by Cold Ember
Summary: Sawyers POV on the latter part of There's No Place Like Home. Oneshot.


Sawyers POV on the latter part of the season finale.

Big thanks to my wonderful beta, VanishingP2000. I don't own Lost.

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Leap of Faith

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"I'd feel a hell of a lot better if we were a few hundred pounds lighter!" Franks called from the front and Sawyer saw Hurley's guilty look. It wasn't Hurley's fault that those gun wielding psychos had ventilated the fuel tank with a bullet. It wasn't his fault that none of them had had the common sense to, after a huge gun fight had taken place right around the chopper, check for such a thing.

He looked over at Kate. She wanted off that damn island more than anything else, even if she would surely be arrested almost before she had set foot on dry land again.

A few hundred pounds.

If they didn't lose a few hundred pounds they were all going to end up stuck on that godforsaken island again. He looked back over at Kate and saw the despair in her eyes at the though of being so close to escaping just to have nine millimeter hole thwart them. They didn't all need to be stuck there again, especially not Kate. He didn't want to see her miserable. If he jumped, the others would have a shot at making it to the freighter. It was a small price to pay for her happiness.

"Kate," he said, making up his mind and leaning in towards her, whispering softly in her ear. "I have a daughter in Albuquerque. I need you to find her; tell her I'm sorry," he told her quickly and she looked up at him, her eyes telling him that she had a very good idea of what he was intending to do.

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked and he thought that he heard fear in her voice. His response was to cradle her face in his hands and kiss her. A long, passionate kiss that was as much a declaration of his unequivocal love as it was a goodbye. They broke apart and her grey eyes continued to bore into him, the mix of emotions on her face- mostly sadness and shock- was almost too much for him to bear.

"Just do it, Freckles," he said softly, a gentle smile playing on his lips as he gently caressed her skin with his thumbs. He was going to miss her. He glanced at the other occupants of the helicopter. Jack and Hurley were both staring at him as well, both seeming to have come to the same conclusion as Kate. He even thought that he might have seen something resembling respect in the good doctor's expression, but he was probably just imagining it. Sayid and Frank were oblivious in the front, both concentrating on the rapidly falling fuel needle.

He sent one last glance at Kate before throwing himself out of the helicopter.

They had been higher above the water than he had thought. Or maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, slowing down time as he fell towards the strangely solid looking water. He hit the water hard, feet first and continued his quick decent downwards, his momentum forcing him further down into the dark water. He kicked his feet hard, trying to slow himself down and after what seemed like an eternity but was in reality only a few moments, he stopped plummeting towards the bottom and started moving back up, towards the surface.

He broke the surface gasping for air, inhaling the salty ocean air as he watched the chopper float farther and farther away from him. He could see Sayid, Jack and Kate all leaning out of the side of the chopper, watching him drift off into the waves. As the chopper got smaller and smaller he turned away from it and back to the island.

It was going to be a long swim back to the beach.

He used his feet to kick off his shoes and socks- they would only weigh him down. His shirt went, too. Any extra weight that he didn't need had to go. His jeans were heavy but he kept them on because he had neglected to put underwear on when he had gotten dressed several days ago. The day that New Otherton had been blown to hell in a hand basket. He didn't really want to give whoever might be on that beach a show when he got back. That is, if there was anyone still there when he got back. If he got back. And he didn't know how much clothing people had left there. It wouldn't be the first time that the rest of the group had raided his stash when he went on vacation.

It was a long swim, granted not quite as long as the one back from the raft, but at least then he'd had something to hang onto and Michael had done half the work. Then again, he'd also had a bullet hole in his shoulder. All in all, it all pretty much evened out. Except that this time he was swimming away from Kate, not back to her. That made it seem harder, somehow.

After what seemed several hours but was probably not even one, he could finally see the beach again. All of their tents- or at least the ones that remained. And then he saw Juliet. At least he thought it was Juliet- he didn't recall any other curly blonde women on the island, but he could be mistaken. She was sitting by herself some distance from the actual camp, staring out over the ocean. Not exactly unusual. Sawyer knew that even now there were many among them that still did not particularly trust Juliet. It wasn't as obvious as it had been at first- the new people from the freighter had born the brunt of the survivor's mistrust as of late- but most still viewed her as being, at some level, one of _them_. They had grudgingly accepted her because of Jack and now that Jack was gone her future with those who remained was uncertain. On one hand she might be thrown out of the camp because Jack was no longer there to protect her, but on the other hand Jack was gone, leaving them doctor-less.

As soon as he reached shallow enough water he stood up and walked the rest of the way, giving his arms a much needed break. "Nice day for a swim!" he called out to Juliet, who simply cocked her head slightly to the side and looked at him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her words slightly slurred and he saw the half empty bottle between her legs. He stopped in front of her, his hands resting on his knees, breathing heavily.

"Decided to take a dip," he replied as he dropped down to his knees and she just continued to stare at him with that blank stare that a person can pull off only when they're completely toasted. He tried a different tactic. "What're you celebrating?" he asked, gesturing towards the bottle that rested in the sand before her.

"I'm not celebrating," she told him, monotone style, still giving him that blank look. He looked at her, confused and she nodded her head ever so slightly towards something over his right shoulder and he turned to look.

What he saw stole his breath. A plume of heavy black smoke billowing up from the ocean, cutting a dark line into the otherwise clear blue sky. He knew what it was, he didn't need to ask her for confirmation. But he did. Because he hoped that somehow he was wrong. That it wasn't the freighter that Kate had just gone to. He hoped beyond hope that he was wrong.

"That our boat?" he asked, his voice strained and she raised one drunken eyebrow at him, glancing from him to the boat and back again.

"It was," she slurred and he mentally cursed. He had never been so pissed to be right in his life.

He shouldn't have jumped. If he hadn't jumped they would have had to go back to the island, they couldn't have made it to the ship. They would have been alive and back on the island, not dead out there in the middle of the ocean. That is, assuming that they had ever even reached the boat. He had no way of knowing if the boat had gone up before or after they reached it. Maybe they had run out of fuel before they reached the freighter or maybe it had been gone by the time they got there and the chopper had crashed in the ocean with no freighter to land on and too little fuel to make it back to the island.

It didn't matter. Dead on the boat, dead in the chopper. Dead was dead. Freckles was dead. And it was his fault. He had wanted to save her and had instead ended up killing her. And Aaron. Aaron had already been on the boat. He had promised Claire that he would keep her son safe. And now he was dead, too. Sun. Pregnant Sun. Dead. Good natured Hugo- dead. Sayid. Jin. Desmond. Jack. Dead, dead, dead, dead. All of them, dead.

He collapsed on the sand next to Juliet, who silently passed the bottle of Rum to him. He took it with a small nod of thanks and took a long swallow. Oblivion could not possibly come soon enough.

After several minutes of them passing the bottle back and forth in silence, they heard a low whirring rumble, similar to the one that had occurred before the hatch imploded and Sawyer could only hope that Locke hadn't decided that destroying one hatch wasn't enough and that he needed to take out another one. They were starting to run out of standing structures on this damn island. Then the bright light began to emanate from the center of the island, white instead of the purple from when the hatch had gone up- maybe each thing on this island let off a different colored light when it self destructed.

As the light spread out from the center engulfing the island as it went, he raised a hand to shield his eyes and saw Juliet doing the same out of the corner of his eye. As it came closer and closer to them he found himself wishing that it would kill him. That way he could be with Kate again.

Thee it was upon them, encompassing them, blinding them.

Never a dull moment on this godforsaken island.

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End file.
